Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We need a shit load of segways right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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