I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
