Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
