I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
