i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
