I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
