Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
