Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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