bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
