The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
