haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
