I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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