Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
