We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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