At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
