So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
