Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
