Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
