its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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