her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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