i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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