Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
