They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
