i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
