a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
