Barsexuality is the new black.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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