just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
