bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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