Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
