I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
