Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Are my feet made of real feet?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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