Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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