So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
