drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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