I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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