Kiss
Puke
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize