I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
