How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
