THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
