he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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