After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
