dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
