Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
