I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The feeling are messing with the penis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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