i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
