apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
