i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
