His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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