Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
jump out the window naked night went bad
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