Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
