is your mom at the bar?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
