I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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